Who am I
My name is Nattavut. You can call me James.
In fact, I am a baby from an In vitro fertilization
(IVF) or usually called as test-tube baby.
I have been studying in Sarasas Ektra School since KG2
so this year is my twelfth year here. My house isn't near the school
but the reason l learn here is that, my father unbuilt and rebuilt a new house
so my family temporary stayed in a condo in the same area of the school.
I
can play classical guitar. my mother forced me to learn one music
instrument so that I would know music notes which is like a language. Playing
guitar makes me feel relax but sometimes sleepy.
I
like a cartoon character "Rilakkuma". It's a brown bear with big
ears. I like it because it doesn't express mood or feeling so it looks funny
but also cute.
The snow makes this difficult to read. My partner loves these teddy bears..but I hate them....
ReplyDeleteApart from that...
1) Was the title 'Who is my sister' ? Because nearly all of your first paragraph is about her.
2) You have a whole paragraph about how you were conceived so was the title "Who I was' ? Did this have any affect on what sort of 16 year old teenager.. so why are you telling me this...would you tell an American this as soon as you met them? The next two paragraphs also tell me nothing about you now or what type of person you are.
You are obviously a clever and thoughtful person so why are you hiding and telling me about everything else except what sort of person you are now?
Your choice of teddy bears as a 16 year old boy tells me more about you (nothing bad) than anything you wrote in the essay.
Good English though,
Peter